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Monday, July 16, 2012

care to run?

Write down your emotions on a piece of paper, pile them up and when you are done might as well as burn the lot. Feelings aren't only real when you jot them or state them out loud. Feelings are felt when the other does not even notice the impact of their words on you.
They say they see more in you, a promise and perhaps a friend. When they speak up, all you hear and feel is hatred. Hatred for who you have always been. How can you be so blinded about a human that you miscalculate, misjudge the scene and put it all on them. Shoot them with a 9 Milli instead, straight through the head. Make it easy.
There is no forgiveness or forgetfulness in this land of the young. Species breed upon other species, big eating small. You think and change your mind, think it might just be you, till you think a little harder. A little deeper this time. It never really was entirely you, circumstances and situations put forward by loved ones. What happened to the sugar coating? It ran stale love, it ran stale.

So come with me let us run. Run beyond the horizon. Beyond the seven seas. lets run along the cheetahs in desert safaris.
lets jump into the ocean, no matter how dead it may be. Lets tango in the rain, forgetting this pain.

Tonight I will take a rain check.Tonight, I will miss what was. Just for tonight I will make love of nothing at all.

Old Times.

There is a gathering. Half a hundred people, with heads close to each other talking non-stop as if running out of time. Few hours is all we have, to do all the catching up, hi hellos, necessary interrogations , so on and so forth.

As I sit there greeting incoming guests, familiar faces of; acquaintances,rivals, lovers and of course friends! a tiny lump of feelings drowns deep down into my throat. Such deep rooted are my regrets.

Years have passed since those times, moments that tore me apart and brought me back together. That began to define my existence but even today when I look back, there is emptiness. A huge gap which could have been filled with more friends, more love, more life. I hear a person learns from their mistakes. May be they are right but what can a person do to overcome the feelings associated with those mistakes? How do you ever accept your shortcomings with open arms. Is it even right to forget those incredible seconds where you make the worst decisions of your life? Seconds that change to minutes and kill all that could have been. 

I try now and then to feel better but truth is, that hole will always remain till I find a cure. One must make amends, if something bothers them longer than they would like to accept. Today, I stand at a place where the heart is no longer forgiving, where the eyes try but still accuse, where the tongue is a whip lash. I try and be nice but nothing nice is leaving my mouth, I shut up but the thoughts and emotions. How did I become this?

There in the mirror is a monster. Dying is the lovable person that once was.Time was supposed to be my friend but now it is not enough. I want so much more. I want the satisfaction of being appreciated, of being some one extraordinary. I no longer want to please every one who crosses my path. I just want to leave here. This now, is not where I am happy. 

Find me a present where I smile more than I think. Can you save me from dying?