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Friday, March 25, 2011

Turmoil.

Here I am. munching. need sugar. need to think.

 At times we fall short of loving some one. At times others fall short of loving us. Yet there are these other times when we fall short of loving ourselves.

 Eyes closed, I imagine my self sitting in the rain. Its pouring and I am calm. The feeling however is alien to me. I cant seem to recall the last time I was at peace. What changed me so much?

 There you are,constantly telling me to take things lightly. Every time you piss me off even more. Only because each passing day I realize the truth behind the WORDS. I am uptight. I am stubborn. I am fixed. That is the way I shaped myself. 

It never occured to me that failing is okay,opening up is okay, being wrong is okay. After all I am human. When I try so hard and people fail me,it hurts. It disturbs me a lot because at times I cannot even place my self in their position. I dont think I am any better than them. Still there are a few things I can not imagine my self doing.
In all this time I thought I knew me. Now every morning I stand infront of the same mirror, considering and reconsidering my identity. I was so strong,so real. Now every thing feels useless. The will to do things that dont matter is evaporating fast. I need a cure. A solution. A healing herb to cure the pain and ache that has learned the way to my heart. Each time it sinks even further. No it drowns even further.

Each time I let it. That is exactly how stupid I feel at the moment. Do answers come on their own?