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Thursday, October 6, 2011

All lost in wain.

At times you expect the best in people. Its not because you were told to. Your mommy also said dont trust strangers. You let yourself fall for the undeniable charm that keeps on pulling you to itself. Gathering around you, it eventually tries to choke you.

Time gets the best of us.The clock is the villain, being as inconsiderate as humanly possible it ticks faster and faster as days fly by unnoticed. You go with the flow till one day things change, circumstances change. You wake up from your dream, its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. 

The truth is there right infront of your eyes  just like before. You chose to look away then and want to look away now. This time however you know that even if you do look away, you will keep on looking back. There is no way out. Where is my getaway?

This is for the same reason why you become more social every day, trying to keep busy , putting a happy face. The daylight washes away all the happiness and content with it. Sealed from the rest of the world you are not ordinary. You are a butterfly, you are special. They dont see it but mostly neither do you.
This is why you upload photographs and caption  them with because* . You know it doesnt make things fancier but you do it.

And he said to her; its only words and words are all I have. What if you stop believing those words? what really happens when you are ready to question your own future, your decisions which you KNOW to be your everything? 

What happens when you start to see right through your drama, your own facade. What if you are breaking apart all over again but the world doesnt see it, yet.

Monday, September 19, 2011

reconnecting.

Where have all good men gone and where are all the gods?
 Humming happily, I am holding out for a hero to save me from study fright. Severe case of procrastination. As exams draw nearer all I seem in the mood of is watching 90210, vampire diaries, the lying game, pretty little liars...the list goes on. I dont mind watching anything as long as its not course books!


tera kya hoga kaaliya???
chellooz do you see how screwed we are? NO SHIT.
To top it all she needed a superman, what happened to us? how did we settle for what ever came our way? DISAPPROVAL.

The really neat paper sheets have made their way from the table to the floor, the curtains are aimlessly dancing about yet never leaving their place. When was the last time we tango-ed? oh we never did. Just like the iphone incident.

Perhaps at this point it really doesnt matter if you deserve it or not, what matters is if you can afford it.
Die bitches.

Disclaimer: whats with the swearing business anyway? piss off.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

For Friends.

It is so surreal how friends are being tossed around casually like dinner plates being passed along from one guest to another. Some thing doesn't fit right. Actually nothing is right about any of this. Its utter madness. Humans can not be treated like this, especially friends. They aren't our slaves. We use them and rely on them till one day we reach a point where we think we do not need them anymore. Hence we discard them.

It wasn't meant to be this way.I have seen many people make the same mistakes over and over again and i have seen how they have been shattered at the end. Now I see you repeating those very mistakes but I am forced to stay quiet, to not object. If I object I side with them, if I don't then I wrong you.Apparently guilty feet have no rhythm.

bull shit.

The rain drops fall on the window pane making a dull hammering noise which fades away with each drop. The moon is bright and the air is moist. Some strange rap song is playing some where in the background.
 The night is otherwise silent.
I stare into space and ponder. It used to be so good, just perfect. Now it is me cribbing. The point is that you are such a bitch. Every passing day you come across as being more fake and shallow than before.

Friday, May 20, 2011

you.

Here I am, at cross roads yet again. What I don't understand is the hurt and the pain that is pretty much there ever since you went away. Lost in the sands of time,I lost what was once mine. They say age makes it easier for us but experience tells me age makes every emotion bigger and stronger. I prefer a childs innocence,Forgetfullness and ignorance. Over my magnified awareness. How aware I am of your absence is something that has amazed me as well.its not a mystery but its a surprise. The watery layer always covers the eyes when I mention your name. Perhaps they really,trully are a window to ones mind. I didn't think it was fair but as time passes by,I feel it was important to always remember you.
When great people are not appreciated in their life,then it only makes sense to remember them forever. Two plus two should not always be four.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Eyes that see but choose to ignore.

Humans.
One creation that fully understands what meets the eye. The only creation perhaps that has been blessed with the intelligence of interpreting and comprehending vague memories....absurd pictures...changing scenes.
We see it all, knowing fully well what is happening around us.The word 'Bystander Apathy' makes way into my mind. It is exactly what we do. We see bad things happening around us, people being degraded,insulted...women being tortured and children being abused. We see it all, we despise it all ,yet we IGNORE it all.
We let it happen. Why? because it is not you or me. It is them, who is suffering. They matter not to our self absorbed identities. They scream and yell but we are ignorant. Painfully numb.

Some of  us are not sure if they should intervene, others do not know what to say or how to respond and then there is another group of people which see's it all, yet ignores it. The people arent entirely to blame. If you have been raised in an atmosphere, where you are constantly taught to mind your own business and where you have seen bad things happening to those who stand up,one gives in. Every one is afraid. Afraid for themselves and their families.
The point is that if we do not start raising our voice against such atrosities then who will? Who will make it stop and provide us the protection we all only dream of?

This is only but a silent plea for those eyes that see but choose to ignore.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

My Day.

Here I am, bored out of my mind. I was about to write something serious but what is the fun in that?

so today I went shopping. I noticed how seriously women take shopping. Standing inside the shoe shop I got pushed not once, not twice but numerous times. Not once did any of the lady turn to see what happened or apologize. There we all were, surrounded by lines and lines of shoes. Shoes with heels... shoes with diamonds... shoes of every colour. The shop was packed with women fighting with the shop keeper to give a little discount or to find their shoes first.

 The funny thing I over heard was...
'Bhai saab thora to discount kerain!! ' 
baji itne kum discount se kya hoga???
nai bhai saab kam se kam tasali to hoti hai k keemat kum karai hai **

 This cracked me up. The woman was arguing over 50 rs perhaps... when she was holding about 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. We try to find little happiness here and a little there.

Next stop was CO. do I love their bedsheets or what?? if it was left to me I might just purchase the entire outlet!! though at that particular moment I was in search of dress pants. No such luck.

Haii. I also had a samoosa in between. it was so good! big and warm and aloo ka! mirchain be thien...reminded me of samoosa chaat! must to have that tom. In my depression due to excessive weight gain I ended up eating more than I have in the past two days.
Now sleep calls to me. I shall be on my way dreaming of a world full of edibles...or eatables as I like it! ;)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Turmoil.

Here I am. munching. need sugar. need to think.

 At times we fall short of loving some one. At times others fall short of loving us. Yet there are these other times when we fall short of loving ourselves.

 Eyes closed, I imagine my self sitting in the rain. Its pouring and I am calm. The feeling however is alien to me. I cant seem to recall the last time I was at peace. What changed me so much?

 There you are,constantly telling me to take things lightly. Every time you piss me off even more. Only because each passing day I realize the truth behind the WORDS. I am uptight. I am stubborn. I am fixed. That is the way I shaped myself. 

It never occured to me that failing is okay,opening up is okay, being wrong is okay. After all I am human. When I try so hard and people fail me,it hurts. It disturbs me a lot because at times I cannot even place my self in their position. I dont think I am any better than them. Still there are a few things I can not imagine my self doing.
In all this time I thought I knew me. Now every morning I stand infront of the same mirror, considering and reconsidering my identity. I was so strong,so real. Now every thing feels useless. The will to do things that dont matter is evaporating fast. I need a cure. A solution. A healing herb to cure the pain and ache that has learned the way to my heart. Each time it sinks even further. No it drowns even further.

Each time I let it. That is exactly how stupid I feel at the moment. Do answers come on their own?


Saturday, January 22, 2011

US.

22nd jan 2011.

Here I am, about to write about you just like strangers have done before me. You trick us all, you amuse us and confuse us to an extent where we no longer know what is happening.
I will be posting this soon enough, knowing fully that you will read this sooner or later. Sooner than later, perhaps. You will ask me why, I will not answer. I have no answers.
Strangers and dragonflies are not the same, WE isnt actually a WE. We are entirely different, her and I. though as time passes by, I wonder...am I becoming a stranger for you?Is that the end result? Is that where we stop?
Will the madness ever make sense to any of us?I wonder if there is another way to all of this. An easy escape without all the tension,hurt,anger,guilt,sadness...after all you are my best friend.

Have you ever loved another person as if they were your own child? may be not.

When I started blogging I had no idea as to what  I will write and even now I dont know why I am writing this. Truth be told, I feel irritated and angry at you. Why must you behave like a child? you say you like me the way I am but you always have a problem with what I dont do. Havent you figured it out by now that this is who I am?
I phase in and out. I think and then I dont. There is no explanation. Not every question has an answer.I know I told you otherwise. I didnt lie then and I do not lie now. It is a mystery but you are smart enough to figure it out on your own.

You worry about things. Today I ask you to let me take care of you,let me be your unkwown guardian. Because the love I have loved you, you wont find it any where else.

Controversy.

Yesterday, taught me a lot of things.
It taught me that people want power.

People want authority.
People will do anything for both.
once they have power and authority, they look for victims.

 It also taught me the perfect recipe for a sucessful event. You take charge,make a team, put all the load on them, make them do all your work,act busy and tense.
End result? everything is done and all you have to do is get dressed and reach the venue on time, that too if and only IF you can manage it.

I also learned how to lie to people on their faces, how to back bite with no regrets, how to back stab my friends and how to take credit for it all.

In short I now know many horrible things...yet I had fun. Now that I am trying to recall, I think I was mainly with one person alone.How irrelevant it all seems at the end. All the anger,frustration,hurt goes away because it no longer matters. Nothing can be done.

Like you say; Let by gones be by gones.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

End.

And every corridor has an end.

We push ourselves to be undefeated, to be victorious, we push ourselves just to be alive. It is after all the survival of the fittest.

Is staying alive, too much to ask for? A man goes to the market for what ever reason and never makes it home. He does not have the chance to bid farewell to all those he has loved or come to love. A smile turns into a frown, a frown rapidly dissolving into nothing. The nothingness of it all coexisting with everything that can happen.Twisted minds see us every day, they plot and plan. When we fail, it is they who suceed. Behind every murder is the mind of a human, our minds. Here, we sit switching channels till we find the dreadful news. The horrors of being alive, being powerful, the horrors of being alive and powerful.
We step out of our house feeling secure, after all we know everyone,our people. Truth is, we do not even know ourselves. The lengths a person is willing to go for a life like yours. We want fame,money,power,love,happiness. We want it all and we put everything at stake till we are satisfied.

Then one day we go out, leaving our house with the same sense of security and completeness. We get shot by one of our own,our people. We never make it back. Never did it occur to us; in their shoes we shall stand in future.
Perhaps, being alive is too much to ask for.